Today, I was reminded of the light of childhood. Or the lightness, I should say.
It is in the late-afternoon that I gain the fleeting ability to conceptualise the insignificance – and equal significance – of my presence in the world. Today, I conceptualised this insignificant-significance, standing solitary in amongst a dance between the wind and the sand. I turned my body to face un-moving, inland. The most divine yellow-gold light was streaming through the densely woven, coast-lining flora. Beyond the gaps in the trees and the shrubs, birds dove and darted. Sunlight un-hesitatingly casting it’s light upon the birds, I swear they appeared to be made of light. And as the birds dazzled my eyes in the hour of dying sun, I began to run. To run and to dance is to be as the bird; harbourer of the most remarkable gift. To be as the bird, is to harbour the gift of flight.
Today, I was reminded of the light of childhood. Or the lightness, I should say. The spirit of the child that laughs with no restriction in the company of the plants and the animals, is the spirit I can now recognise within myself in the moments I am happiest. A couple of days ago, I walked to my car from the same beach that serenades most of my afternoons with it’s sunlight ballad. A mother and her son were laughing and playing on the same walk to the parking lot, making a complete and utter fool of themselves. In a quick recovery from the judgement I (we all) so habitually cast on those doing anything that stands out from the rest, it made me so happy. It’s so rare to see someone playing with their child and joining in on such a foolish game. The lightness of this moment was infectious.
Right now, I am spending the majority of my time on work that is not only draining and dry, but driven by my sense of need for financial security. I would be lying if I said I didn’t take life too seriously (despite my Instagram bio stating the complete opposite -although I think we all know an inspirational quote placed decoratively at the header of our profiles is more of a ‘fake it til’ you make it’ situation than a realistic reflection of the philosophies that make up our un-edited character), and I would be lying if I said I had figured out how to maintain the spirit of my inner child on days when I look at a computer screen for longer than I make eye contact with any one, or multiple humans, combined. But that is what growing up a little bit more than ever before, has affected the most. The time I spend working has come to define my character, even more so than I maybe desire. The time I spend working, is also however, something that inspires the most immeasurable amount of self-reflection and personal-fulfilment, when I do finally peel my eyes from the back-lit screen and drive to the sun-drenched coastline.
It has been invaluable for me to develop the habit of always falling back on this thought: success is not feeling accomplished and strong (mentally/financially/socially/physically) at all times, it is figuring out how to feel accomplished and strong, more often than not. And success is when the recovery time for a downfall of motivation and direction (in any area of life), is slowly getting shorter and shorter.
Undoubtedly, I will continue to spend my afternoons with rays of sunshine I find to be akin to the embrace of a lover and my days will more often than not be consumed by an arguably un-healthy desire to succeed. But in all moments I am aware, I will challenge myself to channel the spirit of my inner child and remember: despite all the significance I have placed on certain elements within my life today, meaningful insignificance will always outweigh. Maybe if I keep running, my very own set of wings will appear and they too, will be made from light.